In most of my relationships, I am the space holder. My natural inclination is to attune to the needs of whoever I'm with. That role feels familiar and safe. But to feel held or to allow someone to hold feels uneasy. When I was younger, I never told my parents anything until I figured it out. (As I got older, I learned that this was a common narrative within my AAPI friends.) I learned how to hide things and/or solve things on my own, not because I was an independent child, but because I didn't feel safe depending on my parents. I only felt safe presenting resolutions. This created a barrier between who I was and who they saw me as. When someone only sees the positive aspects of your life, they only understand one dimension of you. To show someone the depths of your life, even when it's difficult, is to show them the fullness of your humanity, and only then can the relationship you build together be intimate and authentic.
13 / receiving
13 / receiving
13 / receiving
In most of my relationships, I am the space holder. My natural inclination is to attune to the needs of whoever I'm with. That role feels familiar and safe. But to feel held or to allow someone to hold feels uneasy. When I was younger, I never told my parents anything until I figured it out. (As I got older, I learned that this was a common narrative within my AAPI friends.) I learned how to hide things and/or solve things on my own, not because I was an independent child, but because I didn't feel safe depending on my parents. I only felt safe presenting resolutions. This created a barrier between who I was and who they saw me as. When someone only sees the positive aspects of your life, they only understand one dimension of you. To show someone the depths of your life, even when it's difficult, is to show them the fullness of your humanity, and only then can the relationship you build together be intimate and authentic.